


gone too soon

by thesassykels66



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anxiety, Miscarriage, Other, Panic Attack Mention, Parent Phan, Phan - Freeform, Sad Ending, Stillbirth, Surrogacy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 04:23:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15811260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: Dan and Phil are awoken by a phone call in the middle of the night and are rushed to the hospitalFor Phandom Fic Fests' Fear flash fic!





	gone too soon

**Author's Note:**

> This is definitely something I have been so worried to post. I've had the idea for months, and just haven't had the guts to actually edit it in fine detail and publish it, because it's such a hard topic to write fiction about. It's real and raw and emotional.   
> So don't hate me, but sometimes real life shit happens and babies don't make it to their due date sometimes.

Dan's phone started to buzz violently on the nightstand. At first he didn't bother trying to answer, as it was three am. The pounding discomfort of the summer heat making sleep nearly impossible as it was, having a miscellaneous caller throughout the night wasn't going to help. Two, three, four more times Dan's phone rang and rang before he finally gave in and answered the unknown number. The voice on the other end making his eyes snap open and sit up in bed.

Phil was jostled awake to see Dan's face struck with terror. "Is everything okay?" Phil asked gingerly, watching the anxiety in Dan's eyes spread as he was absorbing information.

"Where are you? Is she alright? When did all this start happening?" Dan sputtered, his other hand starting to tremble as he latched onto Phil's and squeezed hard.

Phil stayed silent and tried to listen to the one way conversation of distress. Dan's eyes started to grow misty and painfully avoided Phil's while they shared a tight clasp of hands as their way of communicating. Phil didn't have to hear a word to know something was wrong.

"Yeah, we'll try to make it there as fast as possible. Stay safe." Dan hung up the phone and it fell from his hand, "She's bleeding," Was all he was able to say.

\---

The act of surrogacy was like a business trade: paying for the consensual rights to use an organ of a woman's body to produce a child. The biological fact of it seemed particularly easy considering all the papers and waivers they had to sign just for their family friends to start treatment. To start gestating a child.  _Their_  child.

After months of interviews and wading through resumes, the best and most safe, comfortable, option was to go with people they vaguely knew. Although they're from the opposite side of Phil's family, (third cousins, really) and didn't know each other quite well, they were still connected in a fascinating way.

"This isn't incesty, right? This is completely legal?" Phil asked, signing the last waiver and passing it to their agent. She chuckled under her breath.

"Says someone whose grandparents were literal cousins," Dan snickered, having Heather and Jonathan mirror a chuckle.

"Phil we didn't even know each other growing up. We have no actual blood relation. We just have one aunt in common out of a flood of thirty something," Heather touched his hand and shook it a little, "This is so exciting!"

Heather and Jonathan had been married for twelve years. Their chemistry was just as dynamic as Dan and Phil's, and were completely on board with the subject at hand. They even had two beautiful healthy children of their own. Growing and learning and incredibly smart, laced with every strong gene imaginable. When searching for a surrogate, Dan and Phil couldn't help but go with someone so close to the Lester side. Someone who desperately wanted to help them out and help a family grow, and not just want in for the money. They talked, and talked, and went out for tea and talked some more. They all were becoming friends before they realized it. The talk of family and the importance of love always at the center of the table. Heather and Jonathan were the perfect choice.

Until the eerily silent car ride to the hospital, until words weren't able to form words and the atmosphere was so dark outside they were surprised they could even see anything at all. Heart rates were eradicating so much Dan thought he was going to be sick.

"It's going to be okay, all is going to be okay," Phil finally spoke, caressing his hand as Dan let out a long needed sigh. His leg vigorously bouncing in the back seat.

They could see the bright lights of the hospital up ahead and Dan's throat was growing tight. He tried to calm himself down but on a reasonable stand point in his brain thought this was an okay instance to be on the brink of a panic attack. He gave Phil a quick glance, a quick wave of synchronized worry before stepping out and thanking the driver with any will of decent humanity they had left in them.

They waited, and waited, and waited for so long that Dan was actually sick. His hands trembling and his face white as a sheet. Phil tried to keep a remaining balance of calm for the both of them, but he was shaken up just as bad.

"We've already told everyone, we've gotten to that point of no return, we  _waited."_ Dan started, his voice obviously hoarse, "She's at 19 weeks. This can't be happening right now. What are we supposed to do?" Tears full in his eyes as he doesn't try to fight them.

Phil frowns, his chest banging with so much emotion he doesn't know which one to have outburst. He's sad, he's anxious, he's frustrated at themselves for letting the world know  _just_  two days ago. The entire world seemed overwhelmingly excited it broke the internet. 

Phil is absolutely terrified. He can't let go of his mother's face when they first told them they were going to be grandparents. He can't let go of the fact that they've started surfing for baby names and thinking of nursery designs.

He can't let go just yet. He can't let go of the idea so magical and precious actually happening to them be washed away. So Phil swallows his anxiety the best he can to hold Dan's trembling hands, "We don't know it's a miscarriage. Premature bleeding can be just a freak thing, and the baby could be fine. It happens all the time, I've read that." It doesn't seem to do much, but it helps take Dan a long breath in and out.

Jonathon emerges from down the hall, still in street clothes and face red and blotchy. Clearly not a good sign. Dan and Phil stand as Jonathan approaches, obvious tears streaming down his face as he shakes his head.

"I-I don't, I can't." He tries, his voice getting choked up, "I'm so sorry," he breaks. Dan and Phil embrace him as they all collectively sob over fast and recent events. It hits them like a truck all at once of what is actually happening. Why they're three men standing in the middle of a hospital starting to mourn.

They're losing their first child.

"How is Heather? Is she okay?" Dan cries, making eye contact with Phil before Jonathan.

Jonathan nods, "She's a little distraught, she's never miscarried before."

And that's when it  _really_ hits. Miscarried. As in past tense, as in no more. Phil feels his knees slightly give out, like his whole world is starting to give out light.

"Are we able to see her?"

Racing thoughts gather as they walk down the clean and white hallway. It feels too horrific to believe that there could be children being born in the room next door. A bright and happy occasion seems to surreal at this point. They walk in and see Heather, laying in a hospital bed, hair tied up and tubes in her nose and arm. Looking just as exhausted as they all feel. She smiles shyly as she greets them as they enter.

"Hi guys," She spoke softly, nearly at a whisper.

"How are you?"

"They gave me good drugs," Heather chuckles, touching her IV that's placed in her hand. Dan and Phil both shake at her bedside.

"Can, can we ask what happened? Can you remember?" Phil finally asks, feeling his heart break. Maybe he doesn't want to know the whole story, he just wishes he could wake up from this nightmare.

Heather swallows and takes in a deep breath, her hands immediately placed on her stomach, "I had not been feeling that great. I was sick all day and couldn't keep anything down. Which was weird because yesterday we went out to dinner and I was fine," She started to get emotional, "About nine or ten tonight, I got into bed and I got this horrific cramp in my side. It felt like a contraction but then it was gone and it didn't happen again. I woke up to go to the loo at one and there was a giant puddle of blood in our bed."

"I rushed her here, I got here so fast, but there was nothing we could even do. Nothing to even prevent it." Jonathan cried, petting his wife's head as they shared mournful glances. "I told them that she was bleeding, and it was like all the doctors went into battle mode."

"I can't remember much after that. They hooked me to IVs and wheeled me away in this bed. They induced me and everything happened so fast."

"Heather was in labour for only 30 minutes."

"Wait, you were in labour?" Phil asked, he can't remember clutching Dan's hand suddenly.

Heather nodded, "The baby was too big to just bleed out," Her lip quivered as she wiped her eyes. "I wanted to deliver. I think they offered doing a suction but I refused. I wanted to deliver."

"I was trying to call you guys, trying to get you guys down here to see her be born."

"Her?!" Dan and Phil said in unison. Their voices barely stable. Both Jonathan and Heather nodded.

"You guys have a daughter." Heather brought her hand to Dan's cheek, caressing softly with her thumb as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Well, shit." Phil found space to laugh, "We have a daughter, Dan."

They met eyes before completely breaking down. Holding each other so tight and sobbing that they didn't see a nurse bring in a small bassinet with pink blankets.

They peeked in with wet eyes, seeing glossy red skin and almost alien-like features. Anyone else could have found the undeveloped baby quite gross, but Dan and Phil fell in love. She still had ten fingers and toes, closed eyes and a little nose and mouth. Ears barely being formed and skull so incredibly fragile that it's sunken in. But she was still their daughter. 

They took turns holding her, gingerly like she was a delicate pearl. They couldn't believe it, holding their daughter. Their first daughter, who will never be able to run or dance or even laugh. She'll never open her eyes and see both her dads for the first time. But she was already so loved.

They named her Vanessa Ray Howell-Lester. They picked out a little padded wooden box for her to be buried in and signed the birth and death certificate. Inevitably they had to leave the hospital when they absolutely did not want to. Dan and Phil leaving as completely different people than when they first arrived. 

There was no more anxiety, no more nerves or even tears left to cry, just an empty hollow feeling in their bodies. The sun was peering over the tops of the buildings as they got into the Uber without saying a word. Feeling the exact same emptiness in silence. 

Entering their home felt different, even though nothing had been touched since they left. Dan dropped their keys into the dish besides the door and enveloped Phil in a warm hug. Holding onto him so tight like he was all he had left to live for. Breaking into a mournful sob once again. 

"Fuck." Dan cried into Phil's shoulder. Phil rubbed Dan's back as he let go, clutching their chests together.

"What do we do now?" Phil asked through his tears, feeling Dan shake in his arms. "What do we tell everyone?  _How_ do we tell everyone?" 

"Just shut the fuck up Phil!" Spit flying out of Dan's mouth as they locked eyes momentarily. His face beet red and endless circles underneath his eyes. Phil never wanted to see Dan so sad ever in his life, "Just, hold me, okay?" He placed his face into Phil's neck, and Phil held onto him. Held onto him so tight that he was sure to never, ever, let Dan go. 

\---

Weeks of radio silence passed, and they simply shared a photo of a freshly engraved gravestone of their daughter's name with the birth and death date. Pink and white flowers tied in ribbon were sat against the stone with a teddy bear in knitted booties and bonnet beside the vase.

_gone too soon  
_

_we'll always love you Vanessa Ray_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope I didn't kill you too much <3


End file.
